Hitch Hikers Detour - A Journey To Rock Bottom I knew this day would eventually arrive, and I tried to prepare myself emotionally and mentally as best I could. Yet, it means nothing because you cannot get back the precious time that was lost nor correct certain decisions that were made, which bring consequences I will need to be held accountable for in the future. The story you are about to read is fictional, while the people are real but names have been changed. Success should only be measured by oneself equating to the value which sustains happiness. I find myself using extreme caution early on in my new journey, and constantly find myself having to remind myself to keep my eyes on the road at all time. Journeys aren't always traveled in a straight line. You will encounter sharp curves, and at times have to learn to maneuver around obstacles that can appear unexpectedly, and cause severe damage if not careful and alert. Moderate speeds should be maintained at all times. There is absolutely no need to speed or rush through your journey, so if any obstacles should suddenly appear in the road ahead I have adequate time to slow down, access the area, and safely continue forward. As the first destination is reached, I then set one after another, sort of like check points or goals, making the long road ahead less daunting. As I reach each destination, I gain more confidence and it seems like nothing can come between me and where I am destined to go. . Yet, the distance I've traveled during this trip, I have reached in prior trips, so the familiarity also brings a fear of becoming to complacent which in the past has lead to falling asleep at the wheel, veering off course and crashing. Not this time, I'm alert, focused and remind myself, its the farther I travel and when I enter into unfamiliar territory, that's when the journey truly begins. I remind myself to watch the road currently in front of me, and continue forward. I'm in control and regulate the speed throughout this journey, and the longer I'm on the road, I remember I have cruise control, and so I flip the switch and continue on effortlessly and without any worry in the world. Suddenly, I notice there is something in the middle of the road up ahead, and as I get closer and the object becomes larger in my view I realize it is a hitch hiker, a women, walking down the center line of the road. I dont think much of it as I come across people of all colors and creeds during my travels all the time. I've heard of stories of travelers who pick up people they find along their journeys. Most stories end harmless enough, but theres always that risk. A risk I personally would have never even considered. Which is why I should have listened to my instincts when my first thought was how it was for this hitch hiker to choose to walk in the middle of such a heavily traveled road.. I reduced my speed as I get closer to the traveler, who by now has noticed me approaching, but made no attempt to settle to the shoulder. Instead remaining in the middle of the road as if forcing me to remove any choice to safely pass. Now, if this was the script of a scary movie I was watching, I would be screaming at the Television, "Don't you stop idiot, its a trap!" As my speed reduced to almost a crawl, I notice it was a middle aged women, with makeup running down here cheeks as if she had been crying. In her right hand I notice a small bottle of vodka and in her left, a half smoked cigarette that was no longer lit. Frustration began to set in, as I was less then a full car link behind her, yet she walked toe to heel down the center line. I aggressively pushed my hand in the middle of my steering wheel, sounding the horn. The hitch hikers reaction was not one that would be expected. It was as if the hitch hiker cared nothing of the dangers she posed by standing in the middle of a heavily traveled road intoxicated. I cautiously proceed to pull up beside her, and against my better judgement, I roll down the passenger side window. She slowly stumbles toward my car, and with one quick glance, a smile appears on her tired but pretty face. "Can I travel with you, please?," are the first words she can manages to slur in my direction. I took a few moments to look the women over, and asked how she ended up alone walking down the middle of the road. She unscrewed the plastic lid to the vodka bottle and took a large chug down her throat, swallowed, and muttered," I just was sick and tired of traveling in the wrong direction, so he told me to get out." My first thought was to tell her that if it hadn't been for her walking down the middle of the road, I had no intentions of allowing any obstacles to get between me and the destination I've set out to reach. Instead, I let her attractiveness dictate my thoughts and ignore asking any other pertinent question, which I soon regret immensely. I realized I couldn't consciously not offer her a ride, but yet again I thought it would be nice to have some company even if only for a short time. I responded, "You can join me on my travels, but I am on a long journey of my own, and you can go as far as my next destination takes me, then you must find your own way. She quickly hoped into my passenger side door, and slammed it shut, and I shifted the car in drive and set out on my journey toward my next destination which I used as check points as I realized I had traveled a distance I had never reached prior. Suddenly I felt very uneasy and my nerves began to get the best of me. I had traveled at ease for so long avoiding most obstacles and curves early on. I had traveled so far and reached my destinations with ease in familiar territory. The hitch hiker wasnt shy of with qucikly sharing each details of her journey, and I just listened as we set off to my next destination. She spoke of her companion, the abuse, her isolation, a story muffle by snot and tears, holding an empty vodka bottle heavily intoxicated. The story she shared seemed as if she had been to war each day she woke up. We reached the next destination that I used as check points during my long journey. It was where we were to part ways. Unfortunately, the journey I set out to complete ended when I came across an obstacle that wasn't of the type that normally caused me to crash and burn. The repairs I would need from hitting this obstacle would be internal, and were very severe. It was the last check point I ever would reach during my long journey. She had convinced me to take a detour rerouting my travels in a completely different direction. Ten months have passed since my journey was rerouted and detoured into hell. I began my journey with hope, inspiration and with one objective to accomplsih. It turns out that the obstacles that have lead to me serving into the ditch, crashing and even the occassional obstruction to my view in recent travels were minor compared to the "obstacle" I encountered on this trip. Its ironic, as I would like to believe when I set out on my new found journey, that I was prepared to elude any and all road conditions or obstacles as Ive been down this same road many times before. This time the obstacle was neither, Alchol or Drugs that hindered me from reaching my destination. I was able to manuevuer those which in prior journeys caused me to metaphorically speaking be chased down by the Highway Patrol, and arrested. Each time, I've had to restart from mile marker number one. On this journey, the obstacle was not of any mind altering chemicals, but of a beautiful women (2) Windows smashed (vehicle), (1) Window smashed (Apt) Vehicle Breakdown (1) Inheritance Depleted (3 months) Apartment Eviction (1) Jail Sentences (3) Hospital Visits (5)h Days Homeless (60) Location Unknown (14+ Nights)

My Resignation Letter To GCN (2015)

Tie, The division you have created at GCN is what will continue to bring the company to its knees. You think it is all a game, but you will be directly responsible for others to lose their jobs. I will not return as long as you are there. Charles, man up and stop letting Tie boss you around as you are his slave. You are the only webmaster to have placed yourself under the IT umbrella, break free, he is not your boss. You do have a good heart, listen to what it tells you. Shaine, you speak of starting your own network with others inside those walls and find yourself safeguarded by a disease you use to your advantage. In the end you will reap what you sow. John, as a manager you were to not side with popular opinion as you have, you were to stand up and address the grievances of others so they were improved upon. You should man up for once and speak to Ted about your plan to go elsewhere as well. Lee, you are not as clever as you think you are. Liesch constantly spoke down upon you, and yet you respected him. Yet, I give you an inch and you try and take a mile. You are not progressing within the company but only sitting on accounts which most were handed down to you. Cocoon, Infidel, Tax Help Online. You side with those who do not have your best interest in mind, but as time goes on you will realize that as well. George, you always have meant well, but you never know when to just back away from something. You play both sides for your benefit, but not the companies. You bandaid issues or sweep things under the rug to let fester and grow. But in the end you are a good man though, never change who you are no matter who much crap I give you. :) Ted, you are a busy man who continues to carry the weight of those around you, who act is if they have your best interest at heart, but they are who should be carrying you. Matt, we have a lot in common, so keep driving forward and don't let those around you bring you down to their level. If the place is to succeed it will be because of you and your determination to never fail.

A Generation of Degenerates

This is exactly what the welfare system and free hand outs have created; a generation of degenerate, self entitled ignorant and disrespectful 'nigga's." Oh thats right, its politically incorrect of me to use that word seeing how I am of European descent. Yet, its perfectly ok for an African American to refer to a Caucasian as a "Nigga". Double standards have become a social norm with regards to race in America due to the argument of African Americans once being oppressed and some may argue they still are to this day.. Hey "Niggas", the only one keeping you oppressed is yourselves, and your inability to rise above becoming a product of your environment. Lifes all about free will and choices...Some of you choose to use history as your crutch. Some of you choose to replicate your environments negative traits instead of the positive. It doesnt matter if youre white, black, red or fucking orange. We all have stories, and we all are responsible for our own actions and reactions...and unfortunately we in society tend to grasp onto, and follow, the current trend the media sets for us. So forth right comes the pointing fingers at one another, pushing blame onto one another, creating division amongst one another, so we forget that were all Americans. All our ancestors had hardships, (some worse then others, get the fuck over it), to migrate to this country to assure you would be born a free man or women...yet here we are, allowing our politicians, congressman, state representatives, and ignorant fucks like this in the video to piss away our next generations hope to be born free as well.. We all should be ashamed of ourselves. Every single person, regardless of your beliefs, your race, or hell even your sexual orientation, get over yourselves youre not that fucking great... Afterall, if we were all fucking great, then we wouldnt have blindly allowed our country to reach the point it has...Now, if you want to use our past generations and events as a precurser for being oppressed then maybe we all should be turning our hatred towards those who have lead our first, second, third generation, and our parents ending with you and I to where we are today. And stop drinking the fucking koolaid of these corporate owned media outlets and politicians and unite once and for all before this bullshit Covid propaganda has you volunteering you and your family as guinea pig to test out the new vaccination..oh but they cant make me or my family take the vaccination, thats communist tactics, you say!! Yeah well, we already have people volunteering to take the vaccine just so this Covid can be past us, and for those of us that refuse to take it, what do you thinks gonna happen us? Youre right they cant force it upon us BUT they can make our everyday lifes inconvenient as possible until we finally reach the point of not being able to travel, buy, sell or trade goods, send our children to school (already happens with vaccinations) or even the inability to get healthcare or even get medical treatment. I know I digressed throughout, but my point is; we all must'nt get distracted by ignorant "Niggas", but unite as a nation or we are going to be torn apart by a civil war amongst our neighbors....a civil war our leaders not only need, but want. So we can reduce our numbers significantly for the longevity of our planet, and to further the escalation of their agenda 21. As far as we know, we only have one life to live...are you gonna sit back and live it in fear? Or are you gonna fucking stand up and live free, follow the Ten commandments and truly appreciate why you and I were put on this Earth to begin with...To Live and Die Free as God Intended.

Karma is Real.

I worked for the Genesis Communications Network, Inc from 2002-2015, which is owned by Ted Anderson, and the national syndication company for Alex Jones. I personally have met Alex Jones and witnessed first hand the paranoia, the separation and isolating himself from other hosts, which eventually ceased completely. He was even responsible for the cancellation and dismissal of any broadcaster on the network who he saw as a threat to his status of being the best, or #1. He was a very demanding, had tantrums during commercial breaks, yelled, screamed, was verbally abusive and held GCN hostage by constantly threatening to leave and begin his own network, and get his own sponsors.

Our parent company, Midas Resources employed mostly alcoholics and addicts who had no problem convincing the elderly and the naive to hand over their hard earned money, and even trade in IRA’s, then sometimes never deliver or take 4-6 months to receive their precious metals…Ted Anderson and Alex Jones made piles of cash, but thankfully Midas Resources was shut down by the state, but now is used to push Youngevity products.

Alex Jones was very sincere with his initial concern for his country, freedom, and overall defeat of the Globalist Agenda, yet as he pursued the trending news of each day, and began to get notarized by the increasing amount of celebrities who he would utilize as much as they would allow him. Ted Nugent, Jesse Ventura, Chariie Sheen, Joe Rogan, just to name a few..

He continued to follow the daily news trends, while over dramatizing any and all stories while the characters began to play out and his mental stability became increasingly concerning…but he was making us all money so I remained…that was until I became the operations/sales manager in 2013. In October 2015 I resigned, after 13 years with the company and walked away from a 175k a year, once I was able to witness for myself the money laundering, ponzi schemes, along with Alex Jones’ tyrannical reign and control he had over the man who was suppose to be his superior.

Yet Ted allowed it, but with the state investigating our parent company for fraud, and Alex Jones’ mental health deteriorating, and finding it completely acceptable to profit from dead children…I wanted no more part of it.

I was unable to work for 2 years in an industry which I had built my career, without being able to get a job, addiction took over, I got my vehicle repossessed, I was evicted, and lost my family.

I went and completed inpatient treatment, and moved to North Dakota to start over and rebuild with as little as I had when I left home for college. Yet, the knowledge I have, and the book I could write about Ted Anderson, his creation Alex Jones, and the tens of millions of dollars they both have made simply by Problem. Reaction. Solution..

Karma is real. I experienced it, and recently so has Alex Jones….Soon enough so will the man behind the curtain, Mr. Theodore Richard Anderson..

2020 - The Year The World Submitted.

How do you control a population and get them to submit? Fear.

I believe Bill Gates is directly involved, either with the creation, manipulation, or modification of certain viruses of the 21st century and possibly before.21st century epidemicshttps://www.worldatlas.com/…/the-deadliest-epidemics-of-the…https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biotechnology

Watch an interview with Bill Gates back in 1991; scroll to the one minute and 31 second mark and listen to what his "other" stock investment was/is aside from Microsoft.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6V6Gir1Dyfs

Then do your own research:Next Google, "Event 201"

We all can keep blaming Trump for not acting quickly enough, or China as to where it originated. But the truth is, we all know someone that has had all the signs and symptoms of Covid-19. For god sake, just months prior (late 2019) I personally witnessed numerous individuals,, young and old stricken with what was described as influenza, which most described as the worst pain and suffering they ever experienced. It was covered very little by local or national news agencies.

My personal opinion is those who got ill in the Fall/Early Winter were sick with Covid-19.Do you really believe because Wuhan China was where the virus was first discovered, is actually where it originated? Covid-19 had made its way around the world two fold, before finally being recognized as a new strain in Wuhan China. So why all the hype if the worst was behind us months ago? 

How do you control a population and get them to submit? Fear.

Just as with 911, where the enemy was simply a label known as "Al-Qaeda, ISIS or an unknown or "invisible" threat, so is this virus. It's being used as another "invisible threat" to scare you into submission.

There's no conspiracy, we are simply all being led into a future which will consist of a cashless society with a one world currency, vaccine mandates before allowed the freedom to travel internationally. RFID chips (already in passports, credit cards etc.) to be tracked where ever we go, in a A.I., 5G world.

There will be the ultra rich, and then the poor. No middle class, no small businesses will exist, only large corporations such as Amazon, Walmart etc...and all currency will be digitized and you will no longer have physical control of your wealth. It will be numbers, that can be created or deleted from your account in an instant, which will dictate your status in this new world.

My theory suggests; they are crashing the economy on purpose, while conditioning you to become dependent upon their "handouts."This event will be extended further, and people will run out of their stimulus money and relatively quickly. The same with business owners. Then what? What happens when unemployment skyrockets more so then what already has occurred?What happens when you have no more stimulus money, or your saving account is depleted? People get desperate. People make bad choices when desperate. Desperate people do desperate things. Quote me: This is going to cause an economic collapse that makes the Great Depression look like a cake walk. This isn't a conspiracy. This is common sense.

Take the money. I've got the kids!

So what if my children's mother's get a combined $5100.00, and I end with $0.

Let's not forget to include 50% of my check to child support each pay period.

Is life fair? No! But, at the end of the day I have 2 of my 3 children here with me in North Dakota and that's worth more to me than any stimulus check.

Covid-19 has allowed me extended time with my son's which I wouldn't have normally had with them.

I might not have everything I want anymore, but I have everything I need. My sons, here with me. My sons miss their sister and I miss my daughter, but that is out of my control and her mother needs to learn that what she is doing is called Parential Alienation and considered a form of child abuse.

While she sits on Twitter begging celebrities to give her money cause Covid-19 has effected her Online job, she now has money from Covid-19  plus child support..She was always the victim, I mean she always played that role so well..after all that's how she got my empathy that turned to sympathy then her mental instability became mine..a sickness..that I have long healed from...unfortunately she's still out there looking for that next victim herself..

My Hero!

When I wanted to give up, you were the one there to lift me off my knees back onto my feet.
When it was dark you were there to give me light.
When I got hurt you were there to mend me back to health.
When I was hungry you were there to feed me.
When I was at my best, you were there to tell me how proud you were.
When I was at my lowest, you were there to remind me to never give up.
When it seemed as if I was all alone, you were the one person who would always message me back.
There isn't another women on this planet that could replace you.
You are the strongest and most resilient women I've ever met.
You are my hero. You are my mother.

Happy Birthday Mom.

Global Propaganda in 2020

83,000 confirmed cases of the coronavirus globally, and there's hysteria? 17,000 confirmed deaths worldwide and the media is scaring the shit out of people...for what?

More than 640,000 people worldwide died last year from the seasonal flu virus alone, with 5,000,000 confirmed cases. Each year it mutates, hence why there's no cure. Each year more and more people die..

So if you are someone with a pre-existing respiratory issue or have a weakened immune system, then by all means stay home, but let's not fall victim to the circus we call the media....Go enjoy life. If we die, we die. Even more reason to go do what makes you happy TODAY!

Do Over's

I was recently sent a message by a columnist for a local newspaper, it read;

"Hi Jason. Question for the paper. If you have a chance for some "do overs" in life, what would you do differently?"

After a few days I finally responded with the following;

"*I would have lived more in the moment with romantic opportunities.
*I would have married my college sweetheart.
*To recognize earlier in life that the only person I truly could change was myself.
*To listen to my instincts instead of my hormones.
*To let those leave who want to leave and focus less on the past while simply appreciating the present.
*Appreciate the sacrifices my parents made together and as individuals.
*To never make my mother cry.
*Call my father more often and hugged my brother goodbye.
*Learn to Love myself instead of expecting someone else too.
*Show my children's mothers the same respect I as a father would expect a man to show my daughter.
·Invested in financial certainties such as precious metals and bitcoin.
*Finally, to know then what I do now, and to appreciate and learn to live with the choices I've made while embracing those which have empowered my life, and to let go sooner of all that is out of my control.

Do overs....each day we open our eyes, is a do over, if we choose to view our reality as such."

Thanks for reading.

Scars Last A Lifetime

In late 2001 into early 2002 I had the pleasure of bunking up with Billy Bubbers as a room mate while we both attended Brown Institute. (Now Brown College) He enrolled for the Graphic Arts program and I for the Radio Broadcasting course. Little did I know at the time how crucial one young mans presence, which was soon followed by a friendship, would shape the life I currently am living today.

I remember as if it were yesterday, I was riding shotgun each morning as we drove to Brown College (was Brown Institute in 2001) as he introduced me to a group who called themselves I.C.P., morning after morning, day after day until I myself had memorized the lyrics to pretty much everyone of their songs. So much so, I can still recite many of their lovely lyrics to this very day. Young Billy, would be tapping on his steering wheel with his lit cigarette between his fingers, with what seemed like, (if only for a moment) having no care in the world while he jammed.

To be honest he WAS and IS the only reason I stayed in college after my brother passed away in 2001, which was only a month after we had even initially began. Hell, he was one of the reasons I even decided to enroll in Brown College, as I knew I would at least have the comfort of knowing someone and being roommates with a familiar face in a big new place, making the adjustment for myself a bit easier to accept and I'd like to believe he'd have said the same if he were here today, about me.

Im glad to say I had the chance to get to know Billy, not so much when we lived in Cali, but as roomates in Nicollet Ridge in Burnsville. He truly was a great guy and I can honestly say without his encouragement to continue on with schooling after my brothers passing, I would not have the career Ive had now for over 13 years. I also would not have met the women that eventually brought into this world the two wonderful children I have today.

So as you can see, toward the end of his life he helped direct me to move forward and to stay on track and not give myself an easy out when one presented itself. My life would be entirely different right now if it werent for him.

With my criminal history being what it was at that point in my life looking back now Billy was a crucial piece in helping save me from returning to my troubled way of life in the small town of Caledonia which would have inevitably led me to return to an elevated state of drug use, ending up in prison or even death for myself.

I think about that kid all the damn time. I wish I could go back in time and tell Billy, my brother, Brian B., Josh S., Loreli and all the others to not get into any of those cars on any of those dreadful days. Unfortunatley I can't do that, I dont have a time machine, and god damn it if I hear one more person tell me, "That all will heal and get better with time", Im going to karate chop them in the fucking throat. As we all know, the pain of losing someone (I apologize for not listing them all), never fully goes away. It leaves a perminent scar, which if touched is still just as sensitive today, as it was the very day the wound first was made.

Most scars which we receive throughout our lifetime serve as reminders of mistakes or accidents that we ourselves have made along our journey in life, that when a scar appears we had no control over, we at first tend to want to pick at it, agitate it, examine it, in the same sense as one does when believing they could of, should have or would have been able to keep from getting wounded in the first place. While inevitably in the end accept defeat as it being the only remaining option, realizing this wound was out of our control all along with no preventative possible.

This particular wound has now turned into a scar like many of the others weve received along the way, but unlike the others before it, this scar is different.

This scar was created when someone we loved dearly passed away reaching into our chest removing a piece of our heart and wounding us eternally forever.

Time does not help heal, as i believe the pain even deepens as we watch the peers of the same age of our loved one who has passed begin to have children, and that is when it truly hits home. Not only did our love one pass away, but the entire future generations that will never come into existence. I not only lost my brother, I lost neices and nephews that to this day I will never have the chance to hear them call my name.

Thanks for reading.

A Letter Received

Received on 11:57

I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m selfish and expect too much. I’m sorry for the way I approach things or how I expect you to consider me in your actions and decisions. I’m sorry for putting that pressure on you. You’re right that I think about myself enough that no one else should have to and that you are a grown man who doesn’t have to justify his actions to others. I’m sorry I upset you so much. I love you and am more than happy with you - you truly do bring out a happiness in me that I’ve never known. But it's obvious you don’t want to be in a relationship or have to worry about anyone other than you and the boys and I completely understand that. I'm sorry I made you feel like you did. I miss you - the insights I used to get from you about the inner workings of your mind, how you felt, what you believe. The fact that even though you had to work all night, you’d come and lay beside me until I fell asleep just so I knew you were there. I love you and you are more than anything I could have ever hoped or prayed to have in my life.

You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and have shown me how much I can truly care for someone - but I'm holding you back and I know it. You’ve said plenty of times you'd rather be single than in a relationship with me and more then enough times that you’d rather be done with us than fix an issue. I'd go to the ends of the Earth for you or do anything you would/could ask me to. Hell, I'd put my own life on the line for you.

I'm not dating you just to “date" you. I'm in a relationship with you because I see so much more in you. I see someone that I’d love to be the father of my child/children (if I can have them - lord knows we’ve been pretty damn lucky in not having that happen so far), someone that I can depend and rely on, someone that I can see myself growing old with, sharing stories and jokes, hopes and dreams with. Sharing a true and passionate love with. I see someone whom I fall in love with all over again day after day because they're not only handsomely beautiful on the outside, but a beautiful person inside as well.

You're intelligence, wit, humor, caring, kindness, passion, compassion, loyalty, drive, sense of who you are, confidence, self-esteem, beliefs, morals and values are all things that I admire about you. Your honesty and bluntness, although a bit harsh at times, are part of what makes you so amazing. It's become clear to me over the past few days/weeks that I don't deserve to share those things with you. I don't expect to have you lay next me to as I fall asleep or rub my back while I doze off because I'm not feeling well. You have your own life, worries, expectations and it's become clear that I don't live up to fitting into those aspects of your world. Although I'm not sure if it's because I'm not good enough to or if it's because you don't want me to be part of your life in those ways. I can't make you think/consider/care about me. I know you do and I truly believe you love me - I'm just not sure you're in love with me the way that I'm in love with you. I don't see other people when I look at you. You truly are all I see in a room filled with people - I'm drawn to you and I don't know why..
I can't explain how safe I feel when you hug me or how comforted the smell of you and your cologne make me feel. Or how every time I see you my heart skips a beat and my stomach does flip flops because of the butterflies you give me. Words truly cannot explain how in love with you I am.

Because I love you I'm giving you an out - if you truly do not want to be in a relationship and want to be single I’ll understand but I just ask that you give me some type of closure if that's what you decide. I don't want to make you feel as if you have to be with me because of how much I care for you and I can't expect you to consider me in all you do. I’ll try to understand - it might break my heart - but for you I'll try. I'd do anything for you. You told me once that you could see yourself having kids with me - but the biggest thing you ever said to me - which is part of why I've never doubted you and have always chose to believe you and is part of the reason I'm so stubborn about not giving up on us - is that you loved me and when you looked at me you saw someone that you truly though you could consider marrying. Knowing your views on marriage, hearing you say that to me (back months ago - I'm sure you've changed your mind) truly meant something to me. It was then that I chose to give you 100% of myself and to never keep anything from you but to try and show you how much you mean to me. I'm sorry I let you down and disappointed you in all the ways that I have. Just know you're the only one I want to be with for now and forever. I love you with all of my heart and soul - all that I have to give. I'm sorry if I'm caused you to not feel that way anymore and if I have I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself. You really are the most beautiful person, inside and out that I have ever met in my life. I can only hope that you still love me and want to be with me.

I love you and just want to spend the rest of our lives dancing together. 

If I Were To Post On A Dating Site!

Now that im single for the first time in over 13 years. I've always been tempted to join an online dating site simply to try it out, but am always cautious to how I'd present myself to the ladies online. Well after an hour of brainstorming last night, I came up with the following. I hope you enjoy it!

So this is where I am suppose to tell you about what I like or dislike, and tell you about my fears and my shortcomings. Where I describe my hobbies and my free time activities, huh? Maybe I should begin by telling you stories of my past relationship's and how they all start out as well as most do. Yet soon after how they would quickly spiral out of control time after time, relationship after relationship as I experienced abuse yet again by the hands of a women. I repeatedly find myself being slapped around, my haired pulled, all while being called dirty, shameful and hurtful names, Only to realize at the climax of each relationship how much I actually really enjoyed every minute of it.

...Or should I just write something memorable to stand out which I would presume would make every women reading this, (regardless of their current relationship status) find the need to immediately jump in their car, race over to my house as quickly as possible, and be allowed to ravage me upon arrival. Then abruptly exit as quickly as they had entered without even saying a god damn word. All while being left trembling in the corner of my room, as I try to piece together what the hell just happened. While simultaneously pondering whether or not it's still considered illegal, if I enjoyed what just took place moments before?"

Alright have I got your attention, now? I thought so.

First of all, I think we should get something straight. I'm a sarcastic SOB and am very straight forward, if you cant handle laughter, excitement, or being around someone who doesn't give a damn what others think, then I'm probably to much for you. I experience life, not just live it. I watch others worry about what other people might think if they do or say something not politically correct. You know...those people you're more than likely never going to see again anyways...Yeah, granny in the supermarket is going to talk to her old lady friends at her knitting club later that night about you, big f-in whoop, then lets give those old bittys something to talk about shall we? Damn right we shall.

My father always told me that If you take life too serious, its your own damn fault. Dont get me wrong, of course there's time to be serious too and I can flip it on and off as fast as need be, but I digress.

With that said though, please don't message me if your one of those women who are dense enough to continually navigate towards inbred a-holes who just tell you what you want to hear, making it ok to let them in for the score on the first date, and then cry when they never call you back... Oh, how you thought he was different then the other one night stands you've had, before. Give me a break, your not fooling anyone. Your easy, just accept it, and come to grips that your going to do the exact same thing again tonight. Make it a challenge at least would you? Were guys, and aren't going to turn it down either way, but challenge us for god-sake, it makes the lovin so much better.

Everybody in this world wants something from someone else.  Think about it, understand it, and accept it, but don't be repetitively ignorant about it.

I'm obviously not going to schmooze you on here, or probably even reach out to you unless you do first. I simply don't have the urgency to go and try to impress a few dozen chicks all at the same time. I mean for god sake, I had a hard enough time in my last relationship between my busy work schedule, children, and my mistresses, keeping my ex happy and entertained. Now, all of you that are lining up just waiting for me to stop typing this to speak with me, I have to impress now as well? Sweet Jesus, wheres my bottle!?

I mean come on, most guys my age on this site more then likely still live home with their parents, have no job, no car, or routinely get hammered and verbally abuse the women they meet on here. Only to then apologize later as they are crying and standing in their piss pants while they beg for your forgiveness, just to do it all over again the very next night! Worse yet, you are allowing them to do it! Women like that crap for some reason.

So with that said, if you want to be treated with respect I can do that, but if you want to be treated like dirt, hell I guess I can do that as well.

I've been in the Radio Syndication business for 13 years now, so work is important to me and I enjoy what I do.

I'm a single father who has full custody of my two boys, who are 7 and 11, which you don't see very often, which should tell you a great deal about where my priorities are in life.

So can we please eliminate all the ad lib small talk and just go straight for the meat of it all, (yes ladies I said meat, stay with me here now) and actually see if we are compatible by determining first and foremost what each is looking to get out of this experience.

Wow, I need to lay off the Red bull, or publish a damn book or something. Good god.

A Simple Man. A Hard Fought Battle.

At the time I wrote this my father Jim Worsley was currently in a hospital in St. George, UT as a result of a sudden heart attack which occurred on Thanksgiving Day. Which beknown to me up until a few days after, my paternal Grandfather passed away on the very same holiday back in '97.

Dad was traveling away from his home in Comstock, Wisconsin (township outside Turtle Lake) to accompany a friend who was hauling freight across country in an 18 wheeler. Once in Utah, they decided to make a pitstop and get supplies, and wash the truck while they were at it. My dad and his friend Paul, once done, both pulled themselves high up into the big rig, attempting to get comfortable for the remainder of the haul with California as their final destination.  As both were readying to go, Paul looked over to the passenger seat, when he took notice his friend had started to wheeze, and soon after without anytime to react, his passenger collapsed onto the front dashboard. I received a call a few moments later. 

My dads heart had stopped beating....but why in Utah? Why not at home? Why not any other time through out his life time? Over the next couple weeks as his mind and body battled against his ailing heart, I believe most of my questions were aanswered. That was until, the night of December 8th at 11:10 am, which was a Sunday. I was four days back home in Minnesota from visiting my old man, and I had decided to go into work late that night to catch up while no distractions were present, when suddenly my cell phone started to vibrate. I looked down at the screen and before I saw who it was from, I already knew who it was and what the call had to be about. This was the second call.

This man is someone who I referred to as the "Richest Poor Man in The World". If you asked him, the whole world had lost it's damn mind and is way too busy taking themselves way too seriously. Time and time again, he'd kept me humbled and grounded with one simple quote which he repeated when he thought he needed to remind me, which was, "Son, I might not have everything I want, but I definitely have everything I need."

My dad has always been a simple man. I remember him no other way.  A man who chose  a certain lifestyle. A lifestyle, which separated him from the social norm, or definitely didn't fall into the category of being politically correct. He never accepted the stereotypical "American Dream", lifestyle. Over time I came to figure out it was  because of a dislike and distrust for authority figures which stemmed from growing up under the rule of a verbally and physically abusive father, but that part of his journey through life will need to wait to be told another day.
Anyways, If he allowed himself to get caught up in the paycheck to paycheck, monthly mortgage, car payment, fiasco, I truly believe he would have felt as if authority had gotten the best of him, and he wasnt about to give in just to appease the masses. Nor was he about to adapt with society or embrace technology because of its trend. He wasn't about to become just another head to count or meaningless statistic either. He truly wanted to be a free man at any cost.  He is a man a lot of people might not quite understand. Some might see a selfish man, while others might see rebellious, but me, I see a simple man.

He loved to hunt, fish and the outdoors of course. If I may since Im writing a book; I recall one time specifically, it was just him and I and we went down to the local swimming hole to cool off as we have done numerous times before over the years. Well it turns out this time was different, as he'd decided to bring along his shampoo so he could sneak a quick wash., I remembered being embarrassed by Wilderness Worsley and his simple ways as other swimmers began to arrive. Knowing the scene he would cause, he hollered out from the middle of the lake, "Hey son, I bet my monthly water bill is lower then yours," followed by his michievious laugh.

He accomplished two things by doing this:
1.  Once he called me his son, he knew there was no longer anyway possible I could deny to the other beach goers that I was indeed offspring to the loud bubble monster singing in the middle of the lake.
2. He also made me realize, son of a...he probably doesnt EVEN have a monthly water bill.....how can I argue with that.

Jim, was a sarcastic, personable, fun loving and free spirited man who could make you mad as hell one second and the next have you laughing so hard with a smart ass comment, it down right irritated you, but that was why people loved him.
When he was stern with myself or my brother for one reason or another he'd calm down and say he wasn't mad at us, and that he was more disappointed with himself, switching the focus on himself saying time and time again, "Garsh darn it son, I should have taught you better, its my fault, its my fault." I love my dad, and everything about him that I was embarrassed by when he was here, i now wish he could one last time.

Ok, I better get on with what happened, as no one wants to read a novel about my father James Joseph Worsley, but boy could I write one, oh boy could I ever.

Thanksgiving 2014 - 6:05 PM

The EMT's were called and the doctors estimated he went 6-8 minutes without oxygen before a pulse was found. He was rushed to Valley View Medical Center in Utah, where he fought for his life once again, for an unknown period of time. Once a pulse was stabilized he was air lifted to one of the best cardiac hospitals in Utah, the Dixie Regional Medical Center in St. George.

Now keep in mind, his friend Paul is a long haul truck driver, so once dad was taken by ambulance, there wasn't much more he could do, and he had to continue on with his route to California leaving my Dad 1500 miles away from his home, his family and his best friend, Oscar, his doberman.

Jason (myself) and Jim’s fiance, Brenda immediately flew out to be by his side, first landing in Vegas. Jason without a legal license, (don't ask, I'm a procrastinator) and Brenda without a credit card, were unable to rent a car, (having one or the other doesn't seem to work, you need both it seems) we had to sleep 6 hours at the airport, before being lightly kicked by the airport security, awaking us just in time as fate may have it to catch the 6 am shuttle for a  2 hour ride to St. George Utah.

When we first arrived, early Saturday morning (after Thanksgiving) they already began weening him of the sedatives with no response being recorded up to that point. So with the worst imaginable in mind, I began to say my goodbyes and was preparing for his passing.

To everyones surprise, On Sunday afternoon, he decided it was time to wake up and opened his eyes, soon after the breathing tube was removed. Confused and unable to say many words, he followed simple commands by squeezing our hands, wiggling his toes, and winking at the pretty nurse that routinely checked in on him. With brain damage a concern (because of the time he went without oxygen), I knew at this point his mind was no more impaired then what it was before the heart attack, as his personality shown through when he hit on the nurse through his nonverbal eye wink. ;)

Monday - He continued in a positive direction, as he was beginning to speak more regularly, and requested ice chips, pudding, jello..beer...,But, at this point with the feeding tube only being removed a day prior, he was stuck with ice chips for now.  He was still confused as to what had happened, or how he ended up in Utah, but he did remember long term events such as where he works, his dogs name, what month it was, and asked if he knew who I was, he smirked and said proudly,  "That's Uglier Than Me," a reference he used quite frequently when referring to me, which again only varified he was getting better as each day passed.

Tuesday - At one point he was alert enough to yell out to the staff derogatory remarks about them not letting him leave, which I might add had the whole ICU laughing so hard they all had tears rolling down their cheeks, including myself and Brenda. To the ICU it was just some crazy man coming down off his pain meds, to me is just solidified further the stubborn old man who is my father, was getting better.

Wednesday - Things took a small step back but I believed it was because the nurses and doctors were tryng to find an appropriate level for his pain meds. After all, not only did he have a heart attack, it cost him pretty much every rib in his body, which were now broken and flailing in his chest due to the CPR he received. They swiched him to Morphine to help with the pain, and that seemed to irritate him and make him restless at first, which from what I learned after is normal in most cases.

However, he was still stable and the doctors were preparing to move him out of ICU in the next day or so,. So Brenda and I decided it was time to get back home and back to work and we took the 12:35 AM flight from Vegas to Minneapolis. We were in good spirits for his recovery.

Thursday night I received a call from the Dr. stating that he has Atrial fibrillation or AF, which is the most common type of arrhythmia. An arrhythmia is a problem with the rate or rhythm of the heartbeat. During an arrhythmia, the heart can beat too fast, too slow, or with an irregular rhythm. At which time he had asked my permission to shock his heart back into rhythm, at such time and knowing the risk I obliged.

**UPDATE** Sunday, December 7, 2014 I received a call after 11:10 pm from the nurse stating that dad had went into cardiac arrest and they had been resuscitating him for 10 minutes already before a call had been made to me.
As I continued to speak with the nurse, and as I heard them working on Dad in the background (yes she was in the same room) nearly 15 minutes had lapsed.At which time I asked the nurse on the other side of the phone how long they typically continue the CPR procedure. I come to find out it is my call as when they should stop. (Whoops, pardon me, rookie mistake I guess) After a couple more minutes and rounding the 20 minute mark, I took a deep breath and told them to stop compression's..

Now, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried so you guys just have to believe me. The very second i said stop compression's, the nurse in unison said, "Wait, wait, we have a rhythm"...I automatically screamed out loud reactionary, " You have got to be f*&%* kidding me?? He's playing with me, he just messing with me now, isn't he?" At which point his blood pressure, heart rate and everything else doctor-ish went back to normal.

20 minutes absolutely nothing..I say stop, and his heart starts beating again...I'm not a religious person, but there's something to say for what happened that night, I just don't have the words to say what should be said.  

Since that "Sign" though, I am sorry to say that was Mr. Custers last muster, and days later I had to make the decision to let the man go. The man I regrettably tried to avoid in life at times because of insignificant differences that span from  society telling me my father wasn't normal, and at times embarrassment took over instead of the acceptance or embracing the very man I have now become. 

If you never had the chance to meet James Worsley, you would have liked him, even respected him. He was a good man. He was not a perfect man. He did not have a lot to his name at times yet he'd still give you the shirt off his back if you needed it, They called him Jim, that's just the type of person he was, he was my father. 

 Jim is no longer on this Earth, he is gone now, he has left to go be with his Mother Audrey and Eldest Son Jesse Michael, who he loved more then life itself. 

I am all that remains, but I am my fathers son who now has two sons..who God willing will the same..over and over until the end of time.