If I Were To Post On A Dating Site!

Now that im single for the first time in over 13 years. I've always been tempted to join an online dating site simply to try it out, but am always cautious to how I'd present myself to the ladies online. Well after an hour of brainstorming last night, I came up with the following. I hope you enjoy it!

So this is where I am suppose to tell you about what I like or dislike, and tell you about my fears and my shortcomings. Where I describe my hobbies and my free time activities, huh? Maybe I should begin by telling you stories of my past relationship's and how they all start out as well as most do. Yet soon after how they would quickly spiral out of control time after time, relationship after relationship as I experienced abuse yet again by the hands of a women. I repeatedly find myself being slapped around, my haired pulled, all while being called dirty, shameful and hurtful names, Only to realize at the climax of each relationship how much I actually really enjoyed every minute of it.

...Or should I just write something memorable to stand out which I would presume would make every women reading this, (regardless of their current relationship status) find the need to immediately jump in their car, race over to my house as quickly as possible, and be allowed to ravage me upon arrival. Then abruptly exit as quickly as they had entered without even saying a god damn word. All while being left trembling in the corner of my room, as I try to piece together what the hell just happened. While simultaneously pondering whether or not it's still considered illegal, if I enjoyed what just took place moments before?"

Alright have I got your attention, now? I thought so.

First of all, I think we should get something straight. I'm a sarcastic SOB and am very straight forward, if you cant handle laughter, excitement, or being around someone who doesn't give a damn what others think, then I'm probably to much for you. I experience life, not just live it. I watch others worry about what other people might think if they do or say something not politically correct. You know...those people you're more than likely never going to see again anyways...Yeah, granny in the supermarket is going to talk to her old lady friends at her knitting club later that night about you, big f-in whoop, then lets give those old bittys something to talk about shall we? Damn right we shall.

My father always told me that If you take life too serious, its your own damn fault. Dont get me wrong, of course there's time to be serious too and I can flip it on and off as fast as need be, but I digress.

With that said though, please don't message me if your one of those women who are dense enough to continually navigate towards inbred a-holes who just tell you what you want to hear, making it ok to let them in for the score on the first date, and then cry when they never call you back... Oh, how you thought he was different then the other one night stands you've had, before. Give me a break, your not fooling anyone. Your easy, just accept it, and come to grips that your going to do the exact same thing again tonight. Make it a challenge at least would you? Were guys, and aren't going to turn it down either way, but challenge us for god-sake, it makes the lovin so much better.

Everybody in this world wants something from someone else.  Think about it, understand it, and accept it, but don't be repetitively ignorant about it.

I'm obviously not going to schmooze you on here, or probably even reach out to you unless you do first. I simply don't have the urgency to go and try to impress a few dozen chicks all at the same time. I mean for god sake, I had a hard enough time in my last relationship between my busy work schedule, children, and my mistresses, keeping my ex happy and entertained. Now, all of you that are lining up just waiting for me to stop typing this to speak with me, I have to impress now as well? Sweet Jesus, wheres my bottle!?

I mean come on, most guys my age on this site more then likely still live home with their parents, have no job, no car, or routinely get hammered and verbally abuse the women they meet on here. Only to then apologize later as they are crying and standing in their piss pants while they beg for your forgiveness, just to do it all over again the very next night! Worse yet, you are allowing them to do it! Women like that crap for some reason.

So with that said, if you want to be treated with respect I can do that, but if you want to be treated like dirt, hell I guess I can do that as well.

I've been in the Radio Syndication business for 13 years now, so work is important to me and I enjoy what I do.

I'm a single father who has full custody of my two boys, who are 7 and 11, which you don't see very often, which should tell you a great deal about where my priorities are in life.

So can we please eliminate all the ad lib small talk and just go straight for the meat of it all, (yes ladies I said meat, stay with me here now) and actually see if we are compatible by determining first and foremost what each is looking to get out of this experience.

Wow, I need to lay off the Red bull, or publish a damn book or something. Good god.