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In late 2001 into early 2002 I had the pleasure of bunking up with Billy Bubbers as a room mate while we both attended Brown Institute. (Now Brown College) He enrolled for the Graphic Arts program and I for the Radio Broadcasting course. Little did I know at the time how crucial one young mans presence, which was soon followed by a friendship, would shape the life I currently am living today.
I remember as if it were yesterday, I was riding shotgun each morning as we drove to Brown College (was Brown Institute in 2001) as he introduced me to a group who called themselves I.C.P., morning after morning, day after day until I myself had memorized the lyrics to pretty much everyone of their songs. So much so, I can still recite many of their lovely lyrics to this very day. Young Billy, would be tapping on his steering wheel with his lit cigarette between his fingers, with what seemed like, (if only for a moment) having no care in the world while he jammed.
To be honest he WAS and IS the only reason I stayed in college after my brother passed away in 2001, which was only a month after we had even initially began. Hell, he was one of the reasons I even decided to enroll in Brown College, as I knew I would at least have the comfort of knowing someone and being roommates with a familiar face in a big new place, making the adjustment for myself a bit easier to accept and I'd like to believe he'd have said the same if he were here today, about me.
Im glad to say I had the chance to get to know Billy, not so much when we lived in Cali, but as roomates in Nicollet Ridge in Burnsville. He truly was a great guy and I can honestly say without his encouragement to continue on with schooling after my brothers passing, I would not have the career Ive had now for over 13 years. I also would not have met the women that eventually brought into this world the two wonderful children I have today.
So as you can see, toward the end of his life he helped direct me to move forward and to stay on track and not give myself an easy out when one presented itself. My life would be entirely different right now if it werent for him.
With my criminal history being what it was at that point in my life looking back now Billy was a crucial piece in helping save me from returning to my troubled way of life in the small town of Caledonia which would have inevitably led me to return to an elevated state of drug use, ending up in prison or even death for myself.
I think about that kid all the damn time. I wish I could go back in time and tell Billy, my brother, Brian B., Josh S., Loreli and all the others to not get into any of those cars on any of those dreadful days. Unfortunatley I can't do that, I dont have a time machine, and god damn it if I hear one more person tell me, "That all will heal and get better with time", Im going to karate chop them in the fucking throat. As we all know, the pain of losing someone (I apologize for not listing them all), never fully goes away. It leaves a perminent scar, which if touched is still just as sensitive today, as it was the very day the wound first was made.
Most scars which we receive throughout our lifetime serve as reminders of mistakes or accidents that we ourselves have made along our journey in life, that when a scar appears we had no control over, we at first tend to want to pick at it, agitate it, examine it, in the same sense as one does when believing they could of, should have or would have been able to keep from getting wounded in the first place. While inevitably in the end accept defeat as it being the only remaining option, realizing this wound was out of our control all along with no preventative possible.
This particular wound has now turned into a scar like many of the others weve received along the way, but unlike the others before it, this scar is different.
This scar was created when someone we loved dearly passed away reaching into our chest removing a piece of our heart and wounding us eternally forever.
Time does not help heal, as i believe the pain even deepens as we watch the peers of the same age of our loved one who has passed begin to have children, and that is when it truly hits home. Not only did our love one pass away, but the entire future generations that will never come into existence. I not only lost my brother, I lost neices and nephews that to this day I will never have the chance to hear them call my name.
Thanks for reading.
